[Interview #1]
[I] We're sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman
[N] Hello
[I] So, Natalie, what's a day in the life of Natalie Portman is like?
[N] Do you really want to know?
[I] Please, tell us

[Natalie Portman]
I don't sleep, motherfucker, off that 'gnac and the bourbon
Doing 120 getting head while I'm swerving
(Damn, Natalie, you a crazy chick)
Yo, shut the fuck up and suck my dick
I bust in dudes' mouths like gushers motherfucker
Pull up on NBC and smack the shit outta Jeff Zucker
What you want Natalie? (To drink and fight!)
What you need Natalie? (To fuck all night!)
Don't test me when I'm crazy off that airplane glue
Put my foot down your throat 'til your shit's in my shoe
Leave you screaming, pay for my dry-cleaning
Fuck your man it's my name that he's screaming!

[Interview #2]
[I] I'm sorry Natalie, are we to believe that you condone driving while intoxicated?
[N] I never said that I was a role model
[I] But what about the kids that look up to you?
[I] Do you have a message for them?

[Natalie Portman]
All the kids looking up to me can suck my dick
It's Portman motherfucker, drink 'til I'm sick
Slit your throat and pour nitrous down the hole
Watch you laugh and cry; while I laugh, you die
And all the dudes, you know I'm talking to you
(We love you Natalie!) I wanna fuck you too!
(P!) It's for Portman! (P!) It's for pussy!
I'll kill your fucking dog for fun, so don't push me

[Interview #3]
[I] Wow Natalie, I'm surprised, all this coming from a Harvard graduate?
[N] Well, there's a lot you may not know about me
[I] Really? Such as?..

[Natalie Portman]
When I was in Harvard I smoked weed everyday
I cheated every test and snorted all the yay
I got a def posse, you got a bunch of dudes
I sit right down on your face and take a shit

[The Lonely Island]
Natalie, you are a bad ass bitch (hell yeah!)
And I always pay for your dry-cleaning
When my shit gets in your shoe (What!)
And as for the drug use
Well, I can't vouch for that,
My dick is scared of you (ooh)

[Outro]
[I] Okie doke. Natalie, one final question
[I] If you could steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood who would it?
[N] No more questions

[N] What!